Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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