Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
