I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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