take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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