i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
