At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
