So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
