the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
