new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
