I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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