I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
