Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
