Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
