I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
