How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
