ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
