Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
