The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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