well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
