he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
