so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
