You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i love accidental penises.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
