Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
