It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
