you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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