I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
