Where did you get a picture of my penis
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
