Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we're so committed to being not committed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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