There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
