Kiss
Puke
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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