i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
