I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
