addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
