You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
