It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
