dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
