i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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