The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
