you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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