why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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