she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
