Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i think im in europe. pls send help
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
