Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
