I need help removing her.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
