just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
