my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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