totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
