Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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