Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Someone signed my nipple.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
