this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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