Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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