The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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