you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
