you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
