I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
