11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
