No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
