I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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