You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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