then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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