I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
